I've had a very pleasant day today. The weather was great, sat in the sun with the cats. Did my laundry, tidied leaves in the garden, brought some flowers into the house. The best part was a flock of seagulls came down to my garage roof, where I had put out some bread and pork fat. They came in on the wind change, such amazing flyers, their white wings lit up by the setting sun. Ate some windfall apples from the Red Delicious tree, watered the bulb pots, started reading a collection of Manet's letters. I've even done tonight's dishes so I can have a dopamine rush first thing tomorrow when I see all the kitchen surfaces clean. Good night, all.

 Slowly getting the garden back into order. I'm revamping the vegetable garden, rearranging the beds and fertilizing and digging them. It used to look really nice a few years ago, but encroaching apricot and fig trees have taken the sun away, so these will have to be cut back if things are to be productive again. The whole garden is now much shadier, which leads to fewer blooms and fruit. I'm planting some tulips in pots so that they can be moved to where the sun is.

Now I'm 24 years older than when I moved in, I find gardening more difficult and tiring now. My back starts to ache, my legs feel weak and I just want to go inside and lie down!

 Out in the garden today, because there's rain on the way tomorrow. Spring bulbs coming up, and a Paper White already in flower. I put a little henge of stones around the bulbs so I know not to dig there. The garden has been let go a lot, so I've been working out there every day. Reminder to self not to let it get so bad.

The good news is that my cat came back! The bad news is that he was injured and had to have a damaged eye removed. Here he is back from the vet, zonked out on painkiller and watching "pictures" on the wall. He has to have a Cone of Shame which we both hate, and my other cat, Millie, was scared of him. She staged a big fluff up and hid under the couch. I hope she will get used to having this "monster" in her house eventually.

It's autumn here now, starting to get colder. Not looking forward to winter at all, we haven't had a summer this year because the weather has been so wet and cool. Will have to buy myself some new slippers and get the heat pump fixed. How exciting.
 

Nerines, also known as spider lilies. These are outside the conservatory. In Japan whole fields of these flower in the autumn, they are like a weed.

No news of my cat. It is very unsettling. I don't know, may never know, what happened to him. Meanwhile war rages in the Middle East, people have died, should I mourn my cat? It feels inconsequential on a world scale, but I knew Thomas so the loss feels personal. People say "He was only a cat" but he was my cat and I love him. I feel like I'm going just a bit crazy at the moment. I'll be glad to be dead, I've had enough of this world and its grief. Asked my Dad to come and get me, but I doubt he hears me. The usual comforts don't seem to be working now - the garden. chocolate cake - all in vain. Sigh.

 

 Back to lynwaho again. I have neglected you, but I need a place to vent and write. Yes, I am drunk at the moment, but sometimes drunkenness brings truth. "In vino veritas", or so they say.

 I have lost my beautiful cat. Thomas went outside on Thursday night and has not returned. He was my soul cat, the cat I would have married if he had been a human. I hate missing him; I hate that he has gone and that I don't know what happened to him. He kept me company when I went through chemo; sleeping quietly with me while I dozed with exhaustion. Such a sweet, sweet boy, and now he is gone. It brings so many thoughts, how I wish I could escape them. Life is full of pain. Its joy is fleeting but the pain remains.

Winter ahead. 

We are about a sixth of the way through the winter here in New Zealand. Honestly, I've pretty much forgotten what it was like to be warm. The only time I am really toasty is when I'm in the bath or in bed.

Because I haven't used this space for a couple of years, I am having to re-familiarize myself with how things work. How do I add to my booklist? How do I add images? It hasn't changed very much, but I have forgotten heaps.

I'm glad Facebook banned me. I wasted so much time online, it now feels like I have a life again. More time, less anxiety. I hate the way posts and news are slanted towards making us anxious, even if there is no real worry. Apparently, our sun is going to burn out in 13 billion years. Well, I'm not going to worry about it, and neither should anyone. Why some content writer thinks we should know this is beyond me. Useless knowledge - what am I supposed to do with this information?

And some of the groups on Facebook (what would Facebook be in Latin? Bibliovisago?) become boring after a while. I followed a group called Epic Retirement, wanting to hear about other people's experiences. It was OK at first, then degenerated into people's holiday pics ("Here we are in sunny Marbella!" "We have just bought our fourth house in the South of France" etc. ) and scammers trying to get you to invest your retirement package with them. Nah.

Watched a doco on Netflix last night called Trainwreck; Woodstock 1999. Some of the original planners of the original Woodstock tried to re-create the vibe. Sadly for them the zeitgeist has changed and they didn't see it. Peace and love are no longer cool it seems, and the whole thing ended in chaos. Worth watching.

Summer days, now gone: Millie under the washing.